transform – Ask Dr. Samantha

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Yes, I Can

So many times in life we get the message of ‘you can’t’ do something, or can’t be someone, or you can’t go somewhere. We grow up believing this is the truth. As we allow our minds to be filled with those thoughts, they hold us back. We question our abilities and believe we don’t have the resources or connections to accomplish a goal. We lack faith in who we truly are and, because we believe all those perceived limitations exist, they get in our way.

Our brains are designed to look for trouble, so it’s easier to believe the negative that may have been ingrained in us for years than to focus on who we truly are capable of becoming. Right now mired in the “I can’t” message, you probably can’t even imagine all you actually CAN do. Wouldn’t it be great if we could change the messages we hear over and over again in our thoughts and begin to think ‘Yes, I can’? Well, it is definitely possible, but you’ll have to let go of the lies your mind is telling you.

“We are unlimited beings. We have no ceiling. The capabilities and the talents and the gifts and the power that is within every single individual that is on this planet, is unlimited.” ~ Rev. Dr. Michael Beckwith

In my own life, what I know to be true about myself is that when my back is against the wall and I am told I can’t do something or I won’t be able to do something, that’s when I rally my resources and get moving. Does this happen to you? Are you the kind of person who doesn’t give up without a fight or do you just accept what people say about you or to you and what you can and can’t achieve?

If you believe in possibilities, then you must believe that you are capable of a whole lot more than you think. Step into your own power (stop hiding) and recognize that the more you live outside your own comfort zone and take chances, the more you will achieve. You have the power to create the life you have always dreamed about but never truly imagined you could create yourself. And, it may seem overwhelming at first, but don’t let the amount of effort it may seem to take stop you. Just go forward a small step every day focused on your goal.

You have to train your mind to think about your positive potential and the unlimited possibilities within your reach. Don’t let your thinking remain your worst limitation. Say to yourself, I was divinely created to soar. And, yes, there will be times when you will have to believe in yourself when no one else does. It’s ok to be your own champion; you don’t need anyone to believe in you but YOU. It’s when you recognize and believe in the achiever that’s hidden inside of you that your dreams and goals will become a reality. The most important person, the KEY to this process becoming a reality—is you.

Pay attention to your inner voice that knows you have the capability to achieve. Think, “Yes, I can!” No matter what, you have the ability to BE bigger than any difficulty you are facing. Never doubt yourself and what you can accomplish.

by Dr. Samantha

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Appreciate the Small Things

I don’t know about you, but sometimes I just need to remind myself of what really matters to me and remember that it’s actually the small, simple things and the people I love. Do you ever feel that way? I mean, life is rarely simple and straightforward, and is often very messy. And, it can sometimes feel overwhelming. Multiple problems may be coming at you from all different directions. And, some days it seems like it will never stop. On those days, I know you just want to crawl in your shell and give up. I have these thoughts too….frequently!

But, I’ve learned something though. One of the best tools I use to combat this feeling of being tossed about in life is focusing on what’s working in all the chaos. In truth, when things are going wrong, we have the choice to get stuck in the mess, believing that only more of the same is coming or we can choose to believe that whatever is going wrong, is an obstacle that can be resolved. We can also take a moment to focus on what is and has been going well in our lives so we don’t start a pity-party for ourselves.

Think about it for a minute. You’ve had a rough day at work. A deadline didn’t get met, a team member took credit for your work, your supervisor misunderstood something you said, someone took your lunch…and then you got a call that a close friend was in the hospital and, as you are leaving, you discover that you have a flat tire…. YIKES!! Just one of these things is enough to send most of us into a tailspin of worry and negativity…and, any combination of things like these can and do happen, seemingly right on top of each other. And, yes it is frustrating. But are you the kind of person who has all this happen and then believe that you and your life are miserable? Or perhaps when the first crisis happens you decide “uh oh, today is going to be a bad day” and then look for evidence to confirm it (and it will come).

Alternatively, in the midst of all the chaos, you can take a moment to take a deep breath to calm the stress hormones racing through your body and think about solutions to the issues that need one. You can also, in that moment when you get centered, take stock of all the blessings in your life and what you DO have to be grateful for. You can also remind yourself that tomorrow is a new day. This way when you get home to your family and your daughter greets you at the door asking for your help on her homework, you will realize that all the craziness of the day has nothing to do with her and instead of responding angrily because you have had a tough day, you have the emotional resources to calmly assist her with the task. I guarantee you that when she looks at you with deep gratitude and relief because you are the superhero who helped her figure out what she thought was an impossible problem, you will release all the stress that you thought was most important.

Sometimes all it takes to bring us back around to what matters and help us to get centered again is a simple look, a kind word, or a gesture… I promise you that taking the time to focus on what really matters to you, getting centered and releasing the stress of your day, will make a huge difference in how you think and feel each and every day.

So, what helps bring you back around when the world around you feels like a chaotic mess? Is it a baby’s laugh? The sound of the ocean? A hug from your grandmother? Your husband having dinner ready when you get home and doing the dishes? A long, laughter filled phone call with a good friend?

These simple things may not seem like much. But they do have the power to help shift your mood and help you to focus on what really matters in your life. The next time the balance of negative and positive in your life seems to tip too far to the dark side, stop and remember any one of these little things to help you shift your energy and your focus. Encourage yourself and remember that you really do matter…and so does everyone around you, even the people contributing to your rough day.

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by Dr. Samantha

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Be Your Own Champion

As the leader of your own life, embrace the possibility of being bold, fearless, confident, and unapologetic in your relationships. KNOW your flaws and your strengths. And, realize how important it is to live life on your own terms, being present today and realizing that you are in charge of your life now.

Many of us go through life in a daze. We’re either reminiscing or ruminating about what has happened in the past; or, spending countless hours worrying about a future that doesn’t actually exist. We forget that we are in the driver’s seat of and fully responsible for our choices, even if they are influenced by others.

When we start letting go of the way things used to be or how life is “supposed” to be, we can head down a path of greater personal growth and develop closer connections to the people in our lives right now. However, as life is happening all around you, don’t let YOU get lost in the sea of demands from other people. We have opinions coming from all directions about WHO we are and HOW we do things. From spouses, kids, co-workers, employers, friends, parents, and in-laws etc., everyone has to give their opinion!

And, while these opinions may be well meaning, sometimes the opinions, words, and actions of others can drown out the messages of your own heart and intuition. You don’t have to listen to them and internalize their opinions. If you’re not living the life you want, it could be because your inner voice needs to be strengthened to better reflect what YOUR heart is saying. That’s the voice you want to hear—your true inner self.

To truly get to know yourself, get very still and allow your intuition to show up and be your guide. Find some time during your day to be alone, even if it’s just for 10 minutes. Maybe there is a park near work with some benches and a pond, or maybe you live near a nature area with a walking trail. Or perhaps you can just sit very quietly in a private space. Wherever you are, take a few moments to get quiet, center yourself, and turn off all the distractions going on around you. You may notice ongoing ramblings in your mind. That’s ok. Notice them and then shift your focus back inward. Don’t expect that your mind will go completely silent (I have yet to have that happen for me when I meditate).

Ask yourself what you want and need in your life and then just be still. Pay attention to what shows up. You may envision the life you want or perhaps something you weren’t expecting may show up, giving you something to think about. Repeat this process daily and the inner callings will become clearer. As you gain clarity, call on your inner courage to follow that dream and step into the life you want. Consider what you have determined as priorities and what has taken a backseat. Ask yourself how you can recalibrate your thoughts, feelings and actions to make your life into the one you desire.

If you are faithful to reminding yourself daily who you are and what you want, as others voice their opinions, you will intuitively be able to deal with them in a way that supports your life vision and your own choices. Every choice you make will have a purposeful direction. You won’t just be reacting to life. You will be directing your own future.

Don’t wait for other people to change your life for you. How your life unfolds isn’t up to anyone but you. Set goals around who you want to be and how you want to live your life. Take steps to achieve those goals. You can do it. You got this.

by Dr. Samantha

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Happiness is a State of Mind

Happiness begins with what you think. If you think positively about yourself, others, and the world around you, your words and actions will follow your thoughts. But too many times we lack faith in ourselves. We don’t believe that good things will come to us, or that we deserve good things to happen to us and around us. We tend to believe in the things that are getting in our way that are the stumbling blocks instead of the power within ourselves to capably handle life and all its surprises.
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I often tell my clients to consider how they would treat a really good friend. If your best friend came to you and voiced a negative opinion about themselves, how they handled a situation, or a future possibility they would like to see happen in their life, etc. What would you say to them? Would you affirm their negative traits or tell them to give up hope? More than likely, you wouldn’t. You would encourage them. You would affirm their character and highlight their strengths to help build their confidence. You would probably also use comforting words to help increase their patience, their ability to be resilient, and to overcome the struggle. Right?

What makes it so difficult then to use this same strategy on you? It often seems so much “easier “to be hypercritical of yourself and constantly berate yourself over every mistake. But, this constant self-judgment will lead you down the path of sadness instead of acceptance and happiness. In the same way you wouldn’t let a friend wallow in that negative mire, don’t let yourself do it either! Your life is a mirror reflection of what you believe to be true about yourself and the world around you. Start focusing on using positive thoughts, words, and actions today. Once you start doing this, within a very short amount of time you will see a miraculous difference in how you see yourself and the world around you. I know it made such a huge difference in my own life when I stopped always being so angry and hateful towards myself, and started focusing on the person I really am AND how I really want to show up in the world.

I want you to illuminate the beautiful positive light that is within you and learn to harness its power to transform! You can become a beacon of hope and happiness for yourself and others. When you learn to reframe and transform the negative thoughts and images that show up in your mind, it will change your life forever. You will be able to tap into that skill every single time they show up. You will be happier, more confident, emotionally stable, and stronger.

How amazing would it be to never doubt who you are and what you can achieve, and to believe you can live the life you deserve, the one you dream about? That would be so amazing right?! The truth is doubts will always show up…it’s almost like they have to be there whenever we try new things or are growing outside our comfort zone. But they don’t have to be permanent. In order to shift them, all it takes is being willing to daily use positive words, affirmations and mantras to help retrain your brain to keep looking at situations in a more positive light. It CAN really be that simple if you try!

Your happiness is about the choices you make daily. The next time negative thoughts invade your mind (and they will keep coming), stop and ask yourself, “How am I going to choose to live in this moment?” Am I going to choose to be happy? Am I going to be my own worst enemy or my own champion? Champions get back up and keep trying after every fall. They don’t wallow for too long over the challenges, mistakes, and failures. And, they don’t bring themselves down constantly. Instead, they think of ways to win, achieve, and overcome. Be the champion of your own life. Choose your own happy ending! You CAN do it! Say to yourself, “#IGotThis.”

by Dr. Samantha

Blog

The Ultimate Price of Self-Sabotage

With the recent death of actor Phillip Seymour Hoffman and the 2nd anniversary of Whitney Houston’s death coming up, I feel compelled to talk about the ultimate price of self-sabotage…death!

Self-sabotage is rampant everywhere. We all do it to some degree or another and it can keep you stuck, cause you to disrupt relationships, sabotage job promotions, prevent yourself from getting into college or graduating, get yourself fired, or self-destruct with alcohol or drugs. And it is primarily based on some warped belief systems we either inherit from being around our family members or from exposure to toxic environments. You learn to fear rejection and humiliation, your self-esteem drops, you are terrified of failing, you fear success.

But most of all you just don’t feel good enough. And if you believe you are not good enough, you WILL do EVERYTHING you possibly can to PROVE that you are not worthy of success. If you had a relative or peers who said (even once) that you were no good, or bad, or will never amount to much…you will set about proving them right, without ever meaning to! If you believe that people who are successful in their jobs are obnoxious or that “money is the root of all evil”, how likely are you to ALLOW yourself to be successful or have lots of money?? And what if being successful would mean being more successful than an older sibling or your parents, and they don’t want that. What might you do?? You sabotage yourself.

Can you see the conflicts?

And then lets add exposure to trauma, violence, or bullying. What beliefs might you create as a result?

A lot of people talk about “limiting beliefs”. But honestly, I don’t think the word “limiting” is quite strong enough for the insanity that is our belief systems. For many, it becomes very toxic and hugely self-destructive and oftentimes, you might realize that you are doing it…and if you do, you might not know how to stop yourself.

When I look at celebrities whose lives are sliding into a hole, you can almost see it coming. They are very talented at their craft and yet they are miserable. The celebrity lifestyle brings with it a life of living in a fishbowl with people constantly criticizing you. They’re seen as too thin, too fat, too old, too…something. And they are only as popular as their last good song, movie, tv show etc. And yet, because they earn so much money, it is assumed that they MUST be happy! Many aren’t.

Their self-confidence and self-esteem is completely wrapped up in what the media and the public think of them. Many celebs don’t have a clear sense of their own value outside the spotlight. And without a clear sense of who they are, they are often in a lot of pain. For many, drugs and alcohol are used to self-medicate the numbness and pain they may experience. For others, they are simply hell-bent on self-destruction because of their toxic belief system. What makes it more difficult for celebrities is few have people around them who are willing to tell them that their behavior will destroy them and push them to get help. And for people like Phillip Seymour Hoffman, Whitney Houston, Heath Ledger, Amy Winehouse, Michael Jackson, Cory Monteith, and so many others, they pay the ultimate price for their self-sabotage, death.

Why should you care about these celebs self-destructing?? Because your story is all too similar to theirs in that you have some wild belief system that has you sabotaging yourself. And while you may not be sabotaging yourself with drugs and alcohol, there are other ways you are slowly killing your spirit, your mind, and your body.

It’s time to wake up! How are YOU sabotaging yourself? What are you doing that keeps you stuck, has you hiding, or worse, self-destructing?

These toxic beliefs live in your head. Your brain has created neuropathways that keep them alive and circulating over and over again. The only way to stop is to create NEW pathways in your brain and you do that by TRANSFORMING the way you think. And you can’t just Hope it changes or Wish it to change…it only changes when you PRACTICE changing it…one thought, one belief at a time.

That means you have to take ACTION. But guess what?

You CAN do it! I know you can! You are worthy! You are amazing! And you most certainly DESERVE it!

Have faith and believe in yourself. You can do it!

Don’t stop till you get there. There is ALWAYS a light at the end of the tunnel!

Peace and Blessings,

by Dr. Samantha

Tag Archive for: transform

Yes, I Can

Appreciate the Small Things

Be Your Own Champion

Happiness is a State of Mind

The Ultimate Price of Self-Sabotage

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