Overcome – Ask Dr. Samantha

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Together We Rise

What do you do when you have planned something out and expect everything to go according to plan…and then…it doesn’t?

This actually happens to me ALL the time! It’s a wonder I actually expect things to go according to plan anymore! But, my recent experience moving from one side of the country (USA) to the other became an almost comical scenario of “one more thing” that could go wrong and did!

It all started off pretty well…my cousin’s family was our send off committee and ensured we had every possible thing we could need for our journey. Armed with a car fully stocked with goodies as well as emergency necessities like flashlights and jumper cables, I felt fully prepared to take this long journey. The plan was to leave on Friday morning and get to our destination by Monday night/Tuesday lunchtime at the latest…

I had the car checked…made sure the tires, alignment, balancing, oil and all other fluids were all checked to make sure my 13 year old SUV could make the journey 2700 miles…and she got a clean bill of health.

I arranged with the movers for them to deliver the furniture on the Wednesday, giving me plenty of time to get there (I thought). I wasn’t particularly happy with them since they added an extra $2600 to my bill when they came to pick up the furniture and was simply hoping everything would get to San Diego in one piece.

In truth, that was my hope and prayer for everything…that we would all make it across safely and in one piece. I had my daughter, our dog, and 2 fish with me. Yes, I traveled 2700 miles across the country with 2 LIVE fish! Some might say it was ridiculous to go to such lengths for 2 little $5 Betta fish, but they were my daughter’s pets and I wanted her to be able to keep them if at all possible.

What I got to practice during this trip was flexibility and being able to BEND when it seemed like the circumstances were conspiring to break me. Traveling with kids and pets (by yourself) is not for the faint of heart! There were hotels that turned us away or charged us extra fees and we ate most of our meals in the car, on the run or in our hotel room. And then, 3 days into our trip, my fabulously reliable SUV began having trouble and we got stuck in Albuquerque, New Mexico for 2 days!

At that point, I don’t think anyone would have faulted me for getting upset or beginning to think the trip was a disaster…or even beating myself up over the decision to make the drive by myself in the first place…but I didn’t. I couldn’t. I couldn’t quit…I couldn’t get despondent; our troupe was counting on me to remain positive and get us ALL safely transported to our new home. I kept reminding myself that we were all OK (which is what was most important to me) and that this obstacle could be overcome and would work itself out eventually.

I must also add that having a super-duper-spectacular daughter certainly helped. She sat in the car with me for 12 -13 hours each day, entertaining herself and not complaining or whining or even asking “Are we there yet?” As fabulous as I’ve always known her to be, this was a surprise. I imagined that as an 8 year old, fussing and complaining would come with the territory of being cooped up in a car for so long. But I was wrong. She was amazing.

After 2 days in Albuquerque, the problem was supposedly fixed and we were on our way again…only the problem wasn’t fixed properly…and even with the mechanics’ reassurances, I could tell things were really not quite right and spent the next 800+ miles quite literally praying that my car would safely make it through the desert. It was the most intense driving experience I have ever had. And now I know that it was nothing short of a major miracle along with sheer determination and perseverance on both my part as well as my SUV’s part that we actually made it to within about 30 miles of our final destination before the car fully conked out.

As frustrating as that could have been, I found myself practicing being calm regardless of the external circumstances I was dealing with. And rather than getting angry or frustrated, I was so very grateful. We made it!! We broke down right as we got here, but we made it!! I was also grateful that a dear friend happened to be close by and rescued us from the car and took care of us for the remainder of the day.

But that wasn’t the end of it…remember at the beginning I told you it was an almost comical scenario of one thing following the other…so what else didn’t go according to plan???

Well…let’s see…I lost the cashier’s check I needed to pay the movers quite literally 5 minutes after I purchased it (and it was quite a complicated & expensive process to stop payment and get it reissued) and the movers wouldn’t begin delivery of the furniture without the check; the movers charged me an additional fee for bringing the furniture up 4 flights of stairs (even though I had already told them there were stairs only and no elevator to our new home); it took them 2 days to deliver and fully unload everything; I discovered that the work done on the car in New Mexico was not very good and fixing the car at this point would end up costing almost as much as it is worth; had to get another car; my laptop disappeared; I hurt my back with all the bending and lifting and stretching I was doing and could barely move for 2 days. And ALL this happened (and even more) in just a matter of a few days…but instead of spending lots of energy focusing on this…

Here’s what I pay attention to:

We ALL got here safely. Everything else is replaceable, we aren’t. We have a lovely place to live, my daughter likes our new home, and has already begun making new friends. I found a great chiropractor to help me with my back and he was kind enough to see me immediately because he could see how much pain I was in (and gave me a discount)…I have a car on loan as I figure out what’s next for me and my SUV…we are almost completely unpacked…and I got to spend time with my friend who rescued us from the streets. And, in general, EVERYONE we have met here in San Diego has been pretty awesome and very helpful.

So, in truth, I can’t help but be appreciative and grateful. I know it could have been much, much worse. And, as things begin to settle down, I know that this too shall pass and soon enough everything will get sorted out.

I share this with you so you can see that my life isn’t perfect…things don’t always go exactly the way I want them to…I’m not “lucky” and get everything I want…. I have had many trials and tribulations, lots of pain and hurt, and made lots and lots of mistakes. Many. My life and many of my past and current experiences…are just like yours.

But, most importantly of all, the one promise I have made myself is that no matter what happens, no matter how many times I may fall or get knocked down, I will always RISE. I may not always feel like it…and sometimes I just want to quit…but I will always get back up. And, in order to do that, I must stay focused on what’s going right when it seems like everything is going wrong.

This is my message to you. It may seem like it’s hard to be positive when all seems like it is falling apart…but it really isn’t. It is truly a choice. A choice you can make to believe that there is always a light at the end of the tunnel…even when you think that there is no way out.

You have the ability to rise. No matter what. Be committed to YOU and your journey. Let’s stay in this together…and, like a phoenix, together we RISE.

by Dr. Samantha

Blog

I Am Enough

Every day I talk to clients, friends, and family members who are faced with the same issues you and I are dealing with. Every one of us has weaknesses, faults, flaws, etc. and yet we expect everyone around us (and ourselves) to be perfect and don’t give ourselves a break. We are judgmental and critical and can often have a really mean and nasty inner critic who loves nothing more than to keep pointing out all our flaws. And, because we think we should be perfect, we highlight and focus on those flaws and believe we are unworthy, unlovable, undeserving. Sound familiar?

You are a beautiful and unique individual. You were designed to be different. We are all meant to have weaknesses and flaws. And, you have incredible strengths and resilience that will help you overcome any of life’s challenges. They work hand in hand. You are already gifted with everything you need to overcome and conquer. You just have to reach inside, tap into it, and bring it out into the light.

So the next time something happens and your negative inner dialogue tries to bring up your flaws and shortcomings first. Stop the tape. Rewind. And think about how you are uniquely gifted in a way that sets you apart and allows you to handle whatever challenge you’re facing with your inherent strengths.

“I will never be as thin as so and so is…” can be turned into, “I will face today as a new challenge and keep making healthy choices. I will put myself first because I know that being healthy from the inside out is the best way to care for my family. Any setbacks are learning opportunities on how to succeed more tomorrow.”

“I am a failure as a parent. My ex and I couldn’t make it work. Now my kids are living in two homes…” becomes, “I will make every interaction with my children as loving and meaningful as possible. I will call them daily, have special outings, and be fully present and engaged with them every time I am with them. All of my interactions with them will be focused on showing my children how their parents can successfully work together to co-parent effectively.”

Or, “I will never learn this, never graduate, and always be part of the working poor just like the rest of my family!” You can take control of that thought and tell yourself, “I will study; I will reach out to classmates, professors, and tutors; I will practice; and I will learn this college material, graduate and have a rewarding career. I control my future and my success.”

In any difficult situation tell yourself, “I am enough!” No matter what your circumstances in life, you are strong enough to live through and overcome them. It may not be easy, but it is absolutely possible. Your challenges can be a natural outlet to let your strengths shine through if you let them. You just have to learn how to harness them and not give up. Remember to embrace your gifts AND your flaws! We all have them so stop insisting you shouldn’t have any. And, don’t allow your inner critic to be mean and nasty to you because of them. You really are whole, perfect, and complete…just as you are.

by Dr. Samantha

Blog

Yes, I Can

So many times in life we get the message of ‘you can’t’ do something, or can’t be someone, or you can’t go somewhere. We grow up believing this is the truth. As we allow our minds to be filled with those thoughts, they hold us back. We question our abilities and believe we don’t have the resources or connections to accomplish a goal. We lack faith in who we truly are and, because we believe all those perceived limitations exist, they get in our way.

Our brains are designed to look for trouble, so it’s easier to believe the negative that may have been ingrained in us for years than to focus on who we truly are capable of becoming. Right now mired in the “I can’t” message, you probably can’t even imagine all you actually CAN do. Wouldn’t it be great if we could change the messages we hear over and over again in our thoughts and begin to think ‘Yes, I can’? Well, it is definitely possible, but you’ll have to let go of the lies your mind is telling you.

“We are unlimited beings. We have no ceiling. The capabilities and the talents and the gifts and the power that is within every single individual that is on this planet, is unlimited.” ~ Rev. Dr. Michael Beckwith

In my own life, what I know to be true about myself is that when my back is against the wall and I am told I can’t do something or I won’t be able to do something, that’s when I rally my resources and get moving. Does this happen to you? Are you the kind of person who doesn’t give up without a fight or do you just accept what people say about you or to you and what you can and can’t achieve?

If you believe in possibilities, then you must believe that you are capable of a whole lot more than you think. Step into your own power (stop hiding) and recognize that the more you live outside your own comfort zone and take chances, the more you will achieve. You have the power to create the life you have always dreamed about but never truly imagined you could create yourself. And, it may seem overwhelming at first, but don’t let the amount of effort it may seem to take stop you. Just go forward a small step every day focused on your goal.

You have to train your mind to think about your positive potential and the unlimited possibilities within your reach. Don’t let your thinking remain your worst limitation. Say to yourself, I was divinely created to soar. And, yes, there will be times when you will have to believe in yourself when no one else does. It’s ok to be your own champion; you don’t need anyone to believe in you but YOU. It’s when you recognize and believe in the achiever that’s hidden inside of you that your dreams and goals will become a reality. The most important person, the KEY to this process becoming a reality—is you.

Pay attention to your inner voice that knows you have the capability to achieve. Think, “Yes, I can!” No matter what, you have the ability to BE bigger than any difficulty you are facing. Never doubt yourself and what you can accomplish.

by Dr. Samantha

Blog

Be Your Own Champion

As the leader of your own life, embrace the possibility of being bold, fearless, confident, and unapologetic in your relationships. KNOW your flaws and your strengths. And, realize how important it is to live life on your own terms, being present today and realizing that you are in charge of your life now.

Many of us go through life in a daze. We’re either reminiscing or ruminating about what has happened in the past; or, spending countless hours worrying about a future that doesn’t actually exist. We forget that we are in the driver’s seat of and fully responsible for our choices, even if they are influenced by others.

When we start letting go of the way things used to be or how life is “supposed” to be, we can head down a path of greater personal growth and develop closer connections to the people in our lives right now. However, as life is happening all around you, don’t let YOU get lost in the sea of demands from other people. We have opinions coming from all directions about WHO we are and HOW we do things. From spouses, kids, co-workers, employers, friends, parents, and in-laws etc., everyone has to give their opinion!

And, while these opinions may be well meaning, sometimes the opinions, words, and actions of others can drown out the messages of your own heart and intuition. You don’t have to listen to them and internalize their opinions. If you’re not living the life you want, it could be because your inner voice needs to be strengthened to better reflect what YOUR heart is saying. That’s the voice you want to hear—your true inner self.

To truly get to know yourself, get very still and allow your intuition to show up and be your guide. Find some time during your day to be alone, even if it’s just for 10 minutes. Maybe there is a park near work with some benches and a pond, or maybe you live near a nature area with a walking trail. Or perhaps you can just sit very quietly in a private space. Wherever you are, take a few moments to get quiet, center yourself, and turn off all the distractions going on around you. You may notice ongoing ramblings in your mind. That’s ok. Notice them and then shift your focus back inward. Don’t expect that your mind will go completely silent (I have yet to have that happen for me when I meditate).

Ask yourself what you want and need in your life and then just be still. Pay attention to what shows up. You may envision the life you want or perhaps something you weren’t expecting may show up, giving you something to think about. Repeat this process daily and the inner callings will become clearer. As you gain clarity, call on your inner courage to follow that dream and step into the life you want. Consider what you have determined as priorities and what has taken a backseat. Ask yourself how you can recalibrate your thoughts, feelings and actions to make your life into the one you desire.

If you are faithful to reminding yourself daily who you are and what you want, as others voice their opinions, you will intuitively be able to deal with them in a way that supports your life vision and your own choices. Every choice you make will have a purposeful direction. You won’t just be reacting to life. You will be directing your own future.

Don’t wait for other people to change your life for you. How your life unfolds isn’t up to anyone but you. Set goals around who you want to be and how you want to live your life. Take steps to achieve those goals. You can do it. You got this.

by Dr. Samantha

Blog

Start Your Day Off Right

What’s the FIRST thing you think as you open your eyes in the morning??

Well, if you are like many people, especially on Mondays, your first thought is “Ugh”. You may think, “Ugh, I’m tired”, or “Ugh, I don’t feel like getting up”, or “Ugh, I need some coffee”, or “Ugh, I hate my job”, or just “Ugh, it’s Monday!”

If you start your day like this, are you surprised that it feels like an uphill battle to get your energy going?? You shouldn’t be! If you start your day like this, you ARE giving yourself an UPHILL battle to overcome as your day gets going. You put yourself at a loss from where you have to climb UP.

It’s a simple fact: If the very first thing you think about as you open your eyes (and in some cases even before you open your eyes) is a negative thought, your energy WILL start at the bottom and you will spend the rest of the day playing catch-up.

I recently asked a client about how she started her day because she was struggling to get herself started and it would take hours for her to get going. And she told me that her first thoughts were “Ugh, I need more sleep” or “Ugh, I need coffee”. I explained to her why this was part of the problem and asked if she were willing to try an experiment with me to see if things would change.

As you wake up, focus on gratitude as your FIRST thought for the day. What are you thankful for in that moment? Keep it simple.
Decide at that moment that today IS going to be an AMAZING day!
Set a positive intention for something you would like to accomplish on this day. This is NOT a loooong To-Do list.

Seems simple, right? She thought so too. I think she probably thought it was too simple to possibly work! But after she tried it for a few days she sent me this in an email:

“You were right about the gratitude and positive thoughts in the AM. Really transformative!”

I think what puzzled her so much was the fact this simple little strategy had such a DRAMATIC effect on how she functioned for the WHOLE day!

But it makes sense, right? Instead of starting your day off at the bottom of a pit, if you can start off outside the pit staring at the sun and filled with positive energy, you will have the energy you need to have a productive day! Each and every day can start like this. If you follow me on my FB page, you will know that I believe in starting each and every day on the right side of the bed and starting off on the right foot (to use the help of some great clichés). I don’t believe in hating Mondays and spending the week just counting down the days till the weekend! To me, that’s just wishing your life away! I’ve learned to appreciate each and every day for what it is and what it brings. I do see the weekends as a time to recharge and reenergize myself and get connected with friends and family. But the workweek is accepted and appreciated too for it IS valuable in its own right.

So, stop wishing your life away! Make a commitment right now to start your day off with a burst of energy! Follow the steps I outlined above and let me know how it works for you too.

Our lives are so precious (and so are each of us) and we should endeavor to enjoy every minute of it and be grateful for the blessings we do have.

Peace and Blessings,

by Dr. Samantha

Blog

Get Over Your SELF!

Have you ever noticed that you are your own worst enemy?? You judge and criticize yourself and others and even when you might be outwardly kind and compassionate to others, you are secretly wielding a baseball bat to yourself? You may have some words or phrases that you say to your Self that do not inspire or motivate you. In fact, they have the opposite effect and keep you stuck, bored and perhaps even feeling like a failure or depressed. Your SELF can easily get in the way of you living your dreams by constantly sabotaging your every move. It will make it feel like you are running in place and going nowhere fast. I’ve met many people in my life both personally and professionally whose SELF is quite literally destroying their life. They get so caught up in their “stuckness” that the very idea of living life differently seems impossible.

If you really want to take charge of your life, make some changes, and get over your SELF, follow my ROAR formula! The Katy Perry song, ROAR, inspired this formula. I just love the lyrics:

I got the eye of the tiger, a fighter, dancing through the fire images (4)

Cause I am a champion and you’re gonna hear me ROAR!!

Louder, louder than a lion

Cause I am a champion and you’re gonna hear me ROAR!!

For me this song is about coming alive! Not letting anyone or anything keep you down. Unleash YOUR Champion and ROAR into the life of your dreams. Every time I hear it, I want to stand on a rooftop, fling my arms in the air, take a deep breath and ROAR!! This song actually inspired me to step outside my comfort zone and take a big risk…and it excites me to come alive in this the next chapter of my own life! I’d been feeling stuck for quite a while. And, even though I was taking baby steps in the direction of my goals, my life was not going in exactly the direction I wanted to go and it was incredibly frustrating. The more I heard Katy Perry’s song ROAR and focused on the words, the more I wanted to ROAR and be free! I’m taking bigger steps, going further and further outside what’s really comfortable for me. And I feel really ready to live this next chapter of my life. It feels like it’s going to be Breathtaking!

Are YOU Ready to ROAR??!! When you are ready, really ready to change, then follow these steps:

Realize how damaging your negative thoughts are. They are toxic and can destroy you. Most importantly, Realize that we have the power to change those thoughts and drastically change our life.

Overcome the pain and hurt of our past. It’s not serving you to be stuck on something you can’t change that happened 10, 20, 30…even 50 plus years ago. It’s time to “Let it GO!!”

Action speaks louder than words. Talk is cheap. Decide what you want out of life, and how you’re going to live it. Then GO Do IT!! If you want your life to change, YOU must change. Take Action.

Revitalize you. Being depressed and stuck sucks the life out of you. It’s exhausting! Energize your mind, body, and spirit with the fuel they need to be healthy! Eat healthy, exercise, think positive thoughts, and most importantly, practice gratitude, kindness and love with yourself and others.

Be a fighter! Come Alive! Unleash YOUR Champion! Get Over Your SELF and

ROAR!

by Dr. Samantha

Tag Archive for: Overcome

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