Love and Loss

Yesterday, the stark reality that we never know when we will have our last day on earth was made clear to me when I got news that a new colleague I had recently met at a conference, Denai Vaughn, had died in a tragic car accident. She was a beautiful, smart 37-year-old woman with a wonderful husband and a little 6-year-old daughter. Tears come to my eyes again as I imagine the magnitude of the loss for this family. I found myself wondering what life would be like for my own daughter if something were to happen to me. It’s too painful to even imagine. What I know for sure is that she would be surrounded by lots of love and support from those who love us both. However, because we have such a close relationship, I know she would be profoundly affected by the loss. In our house, we don’t shy away from the topic of death. We have talked about what happens to the body when you die (it stops working) and that death means the person/animal can’t come back because the body can’t start working again. We talk about carrying love and memories in your heart and mind that allow you to remember forever. She also tells me that she doesn’t want me to die…that she wants me to be with her forever. And while I cannot promise her that I will live forever, I tell her that no matter what happens, I will always love her and there will always be someone to take care of her (which is her biggest question at 4).

Today, my mortality feels very real to me. And I am more acutely aware that I must make a plan for my daughter so that I know HOW she will be taken care of if something happened to me. As parents, we often just assume we will always be there or we have time to put things in place. But this tragedy has me realizing that this very minute is all that I know I have so there is no more time to waste. I also want to make sure I spend as much quality time as I can with my daughter to continue building the legacy of memories and love that I want her to always have in her heart and mind of our relationship.

So what legacy will you leave to your children? How will you be remembered?

If your family has experienced the loss of someone special in your life and you are not sure how to talk to your kids or what they might need, please contact me for a parenting strategy session.